Grumpy Old Nerds

A few things to talk about this week; some of it good….but most of it is just down right annoying as hell. We have gotten a lot of news on some anticipated titles as well as tired old standards; and I felt it important that we talk about them. By we, I of course mean me, and by talk I mean go on a tirade (for the most part) over these offending news items in question. But how would I go about it? How could I convey the kind of irritation that is being experienced? Why, in this new segment: Get Off My Lawn! So without further adieu…

Blizzcon took place this past week and I can’t adequately convey how big a waste of time this ridiculous “convention” is. Where E3 and others feature hundreds upon hundreds of titles, Blizzcon features two or three that we probably won’t get our hands on until three years after the fact. Of course we can’t forget the wildly popular World of Warcraft, a title that features the best society has to offer. When it became obvious that the upcoming title from Bioware, Star Wars: The Old Republic was going to pose as competition to a game that has begun to see its numbers dip...outside of those who like to sodomize themselves with TV remotes, it was clear that they needed something big….something that will draw people back into the World…of….well you get the idea. Their solution?

Pandaria and the new race: Pandarans. The new expansion: Mists of Pandaria sounds like a kind of Naruto vehicle you would find on Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon. But no, this would be how the Blizz responds to immersive multiplayer experiences, innovative companion systems, and a setting created by a bearded madman that has generated billions upon billions of dollars in movie, action figure, and clothing sales worldwide: put some Jack Black Kung Fu Panda in their game. Great idea. No seriously…I know my first instinct when having to compete with a Galaxy Far Far Away would be to open up content that reminds people that they need to order the Peking Duck from the local Panda Express. BUT on the bright side….this might actually be the thing that gives Gungans the street cred that idiot Lucas had been hoping for since he unleashed that Jar Jar monstrosity upon the world.

If I could go back to Bioware if I may, we had mentioned the news about multiplayer in Mass Effect 3 back when it was announced by the game’s head honcho: Casey Hudson. Since that time we have gotten small bits of info on what the feature would entail, and assurances that this is a separate experience entirely from the main story. As a matter of fact, we have learned that no one will be able to play as Commander Shepard in this (up to) 4 player survival mode, and in honesty? I think that it could be a good thing if done properly. Though I still wonder why in the hell we need to have multiplayer for every damn game that comes out. I mean come on….what happened to simple single player? Do we HAVE to have a feature that forces us to interact with other people online? And great question…what is it about online play that turns a person into such a little douche? All I know is the first person I hear saying something like “nice one noob” or however those little shits talk, I am unleashing friendly fire upon.

Earlier I had reviewed Batman: Arkham City and had given it a rather high score (9.0 out of 10). While I stand by it, this is not to say that there isn’t a lot wrong with the game. There are a lot of little things that really make you disappointed in the work. If it was anything else, it would have gotten a 7.5 or an 8.0, but considering how good the positives were, it really helped balance it out. The story in particular leaves you with a “holy shit” feeling that makes you forget all but for a moment how cliché’d boss battles were. Regardless, I stick by the 9.0 and if you are any fan of Batman at all, you will agree. And if you don’t….well odds are you are a terrorist.

The next big title to be coming out this year is the highly anticipated Uncharted 3.

I can’t help but worry that this latest Nathan Drake adventure is going to be a narrative letdown in comparison to the first two of the franchise. Regardless, all that we have seen looks breathtaking and I hope that I am not disappointed with it. We’ll have a first impressions write up the first night and then a review this week so keep an eye out for that. Don't forget to follow me on Twitter @Numbspoon. For now? I am going to go sit out on my porch and yell at children with a bullhorn.

- Numbspoon