Grumpy Old Nerds

Before I get into this, I just want to say that just because we are grumpy does not mean we are going to nerd rage and be ridiculous like a lot of the folks have been in response to the ending of Mass Effect 3. Am I perturbed? Maybe...I still don't really know what the hell I am feeling about this, not anger or disappointment, but....I do feel empty. I do understand why folks are upset. Which is why I intend to give my two cents (albeit no one has asked for them, nor I wager are they welcomed) on the matter and why damn near everyone is wrong, including the self-righteous poser douches that fancy themselves artists in the "gaming media" biz. So, before I get to it...let me just say that there be spoilerth ahead. I will distract those of you who have yet to beat the game with a picture of kittens. For those who want to read on...well, fight the urge to keep staring and scroll forth!

There, weren’t they just adorable? Now back to the issue at hand. The first thing I would like to do is to commend Bioware, Casey Hudson, and all the people that were involved in the Mass Effect series. No, seriously. They did a fantastic job. These people managed to make a universe so engaging with characters that people connect with so strongly that when they came up with an ending that the alleged majority did not like, they were attached enough to damn near riot. I think any aspiring writer would wish for even a little bit of that kind of loyalty to a work.

Having said that, I can not say I am really happy with the ending but for much different reasons than the supposed popular one in which the outcome is “too dark”. I honestly expected Shepard to die, and I expected the war to not end as well as any of us would have liked. It is a sad truth of war, they aren’t exactly pretty, neat, or perfect. However, I do feel as though the uproar over the lack of decisions mattering for the player is one in which they have a point. You can not say that all of the choices you make are important when in the end, they really weren’t. It is bad for business. So because of these two things, there is a movement demanding a better ending, which has caught the attention of every asshole with a blog or is in charge of some arbitrary news blip.

There have been some sensationalists who are likening this demand for a better ending to changing Hamlet, or The Great Gatsby. Another bit I had come across stated essentially that it is the public’s misguided sense of the first amendment they feel they have the right to demand that a company bend to their will. It is to these people I’ll go ahead and refer to Dick Cheney. The people do have every right to make these demands, and they have every right to be upset. Belittling that just makes you look like a bigger asshole than I am…bravo. The companies however can choose to ignore the demands as is their rights, so there ya go.

There are however milder stances similar to the Gatsby and Hamlet folks essentially equating to “one shouldn’t try to change a work of art”. Which, yes I get that. I would never want a work of mine to be changed just because someone doesn’t like the ending. There are a few problems with this however.

First, this is not a new thing. Arthur Conan Doyle was given endless amounts of hell because the public hated him for killing off the beloved Sherlock Holmes. He eventually caved and wrote him back to life. I am sure the people who played the Gatsby and Hamlet card would argue that this is totally different. Not really. His vision, his art was changed because of the will of the people, his fans. Despite any of this however, the second thing to keep in mind is that this series has been extremely interactive. You could have a room of 10 people who have played the entire series and up until the end of 3, each one would have had completely different game experiences. They (we, really) arguably shaped the story and made it their (more our….but hey) own. Giving the people this kind of control and then severely limiting it in the final installment is just begging for backlash, plain and simple.

My personal opinion, the ending was dark enough, and I was okay with that, it just didn’t feel completed or very…Mass Effect. What bothered me more were the massive plot holes that my ending seemed to be chalk full of and I had done this ending three times now with every game in the Deus Ex series. I chose option 3, which was to blow up the citadel which would then destroy the Reapers, the Mass Relays, and logically speaking, every other ship in the stars. I unleashed the equivalent of a doomsday EMP blast that covered the entirety of the galaxy. With this ending, I watched as Joker managed to get away and crash on an unknown planet, amazingly enough with Liara (who was with me on the final mission) and other crew members who were on Earth while Joker was supposed to rejoin the fleet. How exactly did THAT happen? Was that just him imagining a happy ending for his friends? It was a little hard to tell, really. Which then leads me to the ending you get only if you have adequate galactic readiness; you know…the split second where you see a body of someone you assume is Shepard because of the N7 tags (who else flaunted that logo in this series, I ask you) gasping for air. How exactly, does a man (or woman) survive an explosion AND re-entry? And where was the citadel debris? I didn’t see any around him, did you?

There are countless theories about the endings on forums all over the place. Which are great, the people are thinking, and I applaud that. However, I am not holding my breath on this one. I get the feeling this is the end we have to deal with, and Bioware is going to have a hell of a time getting themselves out of the proverbial corner they just wrote themselves into. For now, however, I am going to wait and see what happens and what the company says on the matter. But for now, if their intent was to give me the finger and leave me an empty shell of what I once was until something good and pure comes along to bring me back? Mission Accomplished.

I don't think I really need to go into my loathing of the genre again. Anyone that has read anything on this site from me knows how I despise the MMO. The genre brings nothing of value to gaming and if anything it attracts an element that a good chunk of which probably should have been drowned at birth. Harsh? Probably...but I don't care much. Loud, obnoxious people piss me off and that seems to be what MMOs attract the most of.

Having said this, I have fallen in love with Star Wars: The Old Republic. Even had a sweet little love note put together for Bioware thanking them for the offering. Everyone here at Grumpy Old Nerds has in fact been doing almost nothing but logging on to the game and spending literally hours per day exploring the rich environments, the epic class unique stories, and even running flashpoints with friends. The interesting thing is, the rest of the gang are grizzled MMO veterans, having played 3 or more for an extended period of time a piece. I am going at this experience from the approach of an actual game, and am learning the MMO stuff as I go along. Here is the start of my journey.

When I started the game, I approached it from the standpoint of "which story would suit me the best" rather than "what class does the guild need". I honestly did not care what was needed, this was an experience that I wanted to enjoy. If I wanted to have to consider what would be best for an entire group, I'd go back to the office. Pass. So, I selfishly picked the Jedi Knight, mostly because of the story and who wrote it....another thing that I have mentioned on the site (Hi Drew....I love you man). I went along and played my character, and saw the other players as invaders in my experience rather than being a part of something bigger.


When the buzzwords that go hand in hand with MMOs started floating around, I honestly had no idea what they meant and to be frank....when they started seeping in, I got extremely annoyed. At first it was because they were muddying up my GAME with that World of Warcraft bullshit nonsense, but the more I thought about it....it was more because I had no idea what they were babbling about, and I kinda needed to. This was to be sure a rather lofty conflict for me because I loathe the culture that the MMO has created, and yet here I was finding myself needing to learn more about it and....God help me....embrace some if it in order for me to really get the most out of this game that I was only interested in for the story. Logically, I decided to hell with everyone and I stuck to my single player experience, kept my head down and plowed through the game. The quicker I was done, the quicker I could cancel my subscription and be done with all of it, before I started resenting games, friends, Star Wars, and anything else I might have overlooked.

This all worked great until I ran into a proverbial brick wall so massive...so immovable that it knocked me backwards a few hundred yards and gave me a little bit of a concussion. But I'm better now all head my think good is all....uh oh.

TO BE CONTINUED

Follow me on Twitter @Numbspoon

Well, another year, another batch of games to occupy our time.  We here at Grumpy Old Nerds felt that given this was our inaugural year of providing snarky commentary at a semi-regular frequency, we should at least give our favorites of 2011 (NOT named SWTOR).  So, naturally, we thought that the two loudest of the bunch would probably give us a decent list.  Well, they didn't disappoint, that is for sure.  So here now are the top 5 games from our own Mimic and Numbspoon.

Mimic's Top 5 Games of the Year

Gears of War 3

It pushes a solid war story that reminds you of those great WW2 epics while allowing you to be a deranged killing machine.

Batman: Arkham City

It's so well done that you really buy into the fact you're playing Batman himself.  It's not a game made to cash in, it's a game made to make you feel like you're really the dark knight.

Uncharted 3

 It rehashes a few things, but you really get that maturing feeling from the characters.  It shows character growth and doesn't ram it up your ass like a 10 ton hammer.

X-Men Destiny

It honestly was a good game, worth playing, and it can honestly be hours of fun if you stop looking for something to blow your mind.  It's just good on it's own, but 6 playthroughs worth of a game is well worth a high-honor to me. 

Captain America

It's not the movie, but it's sure as shit like you're playing the movie.  You're in WW2, the slang is there, the bad 40s humor is there, the washed out colors, even the style of dress is well done.  And you get to play the ultimate super soldier without trying to defy physics too often.  It was hard to do, but they did it well enough I'd be doing it a disservice by not mentioning it.

Numbspoon’s Top 5 Games of the Year

Portal 2

There was a time when you mentioned Valve and you would either think Half Life or Team Fortress.  So when the first Portal came out as essentially a FPS that did not involve any….well….shooting in the traditional sense, I was skeptical to say the least.  I played it, loved it and wanted a lot more.  Portal 2?  Gave me more.  It is visually engrossing, it makes you think of a solution rather than shoot your way through a problem, and the voice work?  Amazing.  I did not want to miss a single syllable uttered in that whole thing just because of how great it was.  I know we said we wouldn’t go in any particular order….but this is my Game of the Year.  Hands down.


Batman: Arkham City


This game could have easily been my Game of the Year had it not been for Portal 2.  The people behind this budding franchise have done what so many before them were incapable of doing: making good Batman games.  They got writers that know the subject matter, they got voice talent that is passionate about the characters as well as their own work, and it shows in every second of game play.  This is one that you should be giving a try even if you are not a fan of the Dark Knight simply because of how well done a game this is.


Uncharted 3

I am going to level with you all; the Uncharted series is the biggest reason why I own a PS3.  Like the two before it, Uncharted 3 tells us a great story, shows some character development and gives us some insight into what we could be seeing next from our pal Drake and company.  If Spielberg and Lucas are thinking about making another Indiana Jones movie, they need to stop what they are doing and pay attention to what Naughty Dog has put together with Uncharted.  Take notes, boys because these cats can write CIRCLES around you all.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

This one to me is a pick wrapped in nostalgia.  The first of this series was easily one of my favorites back in the day.  Invisible War was disappointing and I was afraid the franchise would die because of it.  Then Human Revolution finally came out and I have to say, it makes up for Invisible War and it was an enjoyable time.  Though, I do suggest that this one be played on the PC as the console experience isn’t as….rewarding.

Assassin’s Creed: Revelations

Okay, look.  Some person on the staff….I won’t name any names but for the sake of argument I will just call them Spanky…hated this game.  Which is fine, it wasn’t the best of the franchise, I’ll admit.  But the multiplayer is without a doubt, one of the most fun experiences I have had online via a console game.  And the continuation of the Desmond Miles story was what I really enjoyed.  It wasn’t anything new in terms of game play, but if you consider that Ubisoft has been cranking these AC games out every year, it is truly hard to expect drastic changes.  Regardless, I liked the game and it is certainly worth a look.


So, there you have it.  Thanks to the guys for giving us their selections and hopefully we’ll get some more insight into the year that was 2011 before we’re through.  Keep your eyes peeled from more from us in the years to come, and those of you that do visit the site, we just want to take this opportunity to say thank you for the support and don’t stand in the grass.  Just mowed it and she’s fragile.   

The VGAs were coming, and we here at Grumpy Old Nerds felt like we should be there...and then we realized the cost of travel, lodging, and actually getting in was a little too steep. So instead, we had our own Coolstorm and Numbspoon put on their finest tuxedo t-shirts and watch the event from their homes! So without any further adieu....

Numbspoon: Well, the Spike TV Video Game Awards were held on Saturday the 10th of December, and Coolstorm and I caught the whole thing.

Coolstorm: Unfortunately, usually with each year of the VGAs, only the first 15 minutes are worth watching to catch the really good trailers and then avoid the rest of the abomination, but sadly this year I was like a deer staring into headlights of an oncoming bus.

Numbspoon: There was no turning away, and for me it was a gross reminder that not only do the folks in charge of the event know NOTHING about the people in which the show is meant to be geared towards, they also can’t tell a joke to save their lives.

Coolstorm: Indeed, year after year the show comes off as unrehearsed, being filled with washed up has-beens for actors that have reached their peak of success and are trying so desperately to climb up to any further success they can get their greasy paws on.

Numbspoon: Exactly. So what we are going to do is just go over most of the aspects of the show and examine where they went wrong, what they did right (HA!), and anything in between. The usual review format, really. You ready to do this Coolstorm?

Coolstorm: Ready, Numbspoon. It won’t be pretty, but the worst has already happened to me for the night. I am hoping the nausea will subside.

Numbspoon: Well, I think the best place to start would be with the host. On paper, Zachary Levi ticked all of the things that I would expect from a host of an event such as this. He is a star of a show that has a fairly significant cult following, he himself plays games, and he can be a bit of a smartass. Here’s the problem though….he was pretty damn awful. Though I still would have taken him over Neil Patrick Harris.

Coolstorm: That’s a pretty bold claim. I am unable to say anything about NPH’s performance because let’s face it I watched last year’s VGAs only long enough to see the debut trailer for Mass Effect 3 and then went about my business. However, I am sure NPH was a lot more charismatic in his performance than Zachary Levi. Levi bored me nearly to sleep. This host definitely pulled off being a smart-ass, I won’t deny that. His executions on his jokes were horrible though. You said he plays games, but with his performance, it almost seemed to me like he knew just the basics. Like he had a brief read through of Video Games for Dummies before he stepped on stage.

Numbspoon: I do agree there. It seemed as though, despite what we are lead to believe, he knew damn near nothing. Which leads me to another point…where was the actual gamer presence?

Coolstorm: It’s like this every single year. A bunch of celebrities that claim to be avid gamers and end up trying to toss out masturbation and dick jokes that stereotype the gamer nation. With these awards shows it seems to me to be less about the players and more about the marketing. This is just one big business ploy to try to get gamers to go out there and grab the games that have already been on the market for a few months now.

Numbspoon: We’ll get to the stereotyping bit in a moment, but I want to build off of what you are saying…I do agree, but it seemed to be even worse this year. I mean, look at those dipshits from that TV show Workaholics. Did you notice they said Albert Hitchcock? What the Hell? Was that supposed to be funny?

Coolstorm: Idiots, that is all I can say. I do give credit to one of the jokes on the show though. The “social gamers” sitting together around a table playing on their cell phones not even bothering to be social with each other was pretty good in my opinion. I believe that’s the only credit in entertaining me with humor that I will give them.

Numbspoon: I did have a mild chuckle, but to me, it was quite a dated remark. I would say that we are expecting an awful lot out of the presenters, but when there are people like Ice T and Kobe Bryant out there, you know….people that are bona fide celebrities that actually PLAY games that they could have tapped into….I don’t see much of an excuse here.

Coolstorm: What’s even more inexcusable in my opinion is the fact that they have someone with a huge amount of gaming knowledge in the beautiful Felicia Day, but what did they use her for? A wall clinging game, swinging a katana half an inch from the audience to slice fruit, a cupcake contest, and presenting one award. She was definitely the best actress on the show, but with her knowledge, they really need to have her host the show.

Numbspoon: AHA! Yes!! She would have been more effective as the host of the event rather than Levi. At least she was energetic and enthused about the product.

Coolstorm: It’s a shame that this show cannot be taken as seriously as any of the other shows out there.

Numbspoon: I think they are all equally dull. And the VGAs were, if I’m to be honest, trying to copy the MTV VMA bullshit nonsense that stopped being funny around 10 years ago.

Coolstorm: You do have a point, but I have seen some of the presenters at least show some enthusiasm when they announced a winner. With this show it was like “Your winner is….Uncharted 3…yay…” and the whole thing was done with tons of sarcasm. I was reminded of Ben Stein a LOT tonight.

Numbspoon: Well, I am not entirely convinced that anyone gives a damn about this award. Anyone that is actually worth mentioning, at least. If you are Activision and Blizzard I am sure you would rate the VGAs up there with the damn Oscars.

Coolstorm: Speaking of Activision, Modern Warfare 3 won the award for best shooter, the very shooter we gave a 3 out of 10. There were only two other contenders mind you, but paying attention to the live chat during the show, I noticed that the odds were highly stacked against CoD, with the majority of the chat stating that Battlefield 3 was the more superior of the two.

Numbspoon: Well, our score notwithstanding, I do agree that Battlefield seems to be the more popular, not to mention the fact that Gears of War 3 was also in the mix. Gears, in a lot of people’s minds, are a solid Game of the Year contender, after all.

Coolstorm: No doubt Gears of War 3 is good; though I have trouble classifying it as a shooter when you’re not in first person. In my opinion it should have been categorized in action/adventure, but yes it definitely should have been a contender for game of the year, but the winner of that was a game that we still don’t get why it is so popular. That’s right, claiming the game of the year is Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim.

Numbspoon: The category was shooter, not First Person Shooter, so there is that loophole there. As for Skyrim….I really can’t explain it. You heard the ovation Arkham City got in comparison, or even Uncharted 3. And nothing against the series…I mean I have tried to like the Elderscrolls games…I just cannot for the life of me get into them. Dragon Age: Origins is far superior in my opinion.

Coolstorm: I agree with you there. Sure, there might be better ways of advancing your character in that game than in others and more to explore, but the way the characters interact just seem so dull. I will say this about this year. Not ALL of the awards went out to the undeserving. I was happy to see Uncharted 3 win a few as well as Portal 2 and even Mortal Kombat. What about you, Numbspoon?

Numbspoon: They were kind of no-brainers, though. I mean, did they deserve recognition? Absolutely. Does it matter considering the source? Not. So. Much. Let me put it this way. Them getting it right and recognizing those games for things that they obviously deserved to be recognized for is like rewarding a 40 year old for getting dressed on their own; a feat they have been performing since they were tiny.

Coolstorm: The awards almost seem like a simple pat on the back than anything else. I mean did you see how horrible that trophy looked? Who would be proud to show that off? Oh and what are your thoughts about the Legend of Zelda series winning the first ever hall of fame achievement?

Numbspoon: I just kind of shrugged that off to be honest. I get that Zelda is iconic. But there are other things out there that might have deserved the first spot more. How about Donkey Kong? Mario? Doom? Wolfenstein….I can keep going obviously. Hell, you could even make a case for Frogger. The thing that caught my attention though was Miyamoto trying to figure out what in the blue hell that trophy was. He seemed genuinely terrified of it.

Coolstorm: I would have been ashamed to have been there. If I were Miyamoto san I would have said “I have brought shame to my country for winning an award from this place” and tried to commit Seppuku with the end of the trophy.

Numbspoon: I think that might have made it worse. BUT aside from all of that rampant stupidity and utter shit that the VGAs had this year, there were also some things we liked. Granted, they were all trailers…but still. We liked them.

Coolstorm: Absolutely, and one of the things we liked was without a doubt something we were looking forward to the entire show: new clips for Mass Effect 3.

Numbspoon: It was great, but honestly I want the game to come out. Enough hype…give us the goods!

Coolstorm: Another item that caught our attention is the new game from Naughty Dog, creators of the Uncharted series. The title of their upcoming game is The Last of Us.

Numbspoon: Yeah I am still a little iffy on this one. Don’t get me wrong, I love Naughty Dog and I am glad to see them continue to get bigger and branch out into different titles. I hope they become even more successful than they are now. But I am not a big zombie guy. Never have been. So as great as this looks now, I am still kind of thinking….what else you got?

Coolstorm: Zombies? Genetic mutations? Aliens? Hard to say at this point what that was, but the antagonists in the trailer didn’t appear to be a typical zombie as far as facial features went. I believe though there are fans still wanting that serious zombie game, which Dead Island failed to deliver. If anyone can pull off the next survival horror game, I have high hopes that Naughty Dog will be able to do it. Now, let’s talk about those two game trailers that left us a little confused: the new one from Bioware, and the new Metal Gear game.

Numbspoon: I think it is great that Bioware is trying something new, especially the RTS…that is a genre that could use some life breathed into it. But why Generals? Does this mean they now are working on all future Command and Conquer properties, or is it just this one? It is really hard to say at this point. As for Metal Gear…this one probably is the most head scratching. This was originally going to be called Metal Gear Solid: Rising, and we’d been hearing about it for a few years before all fell silent. So now we learn that it is being picked up by Platinum Games and is going to be redone, complete with a weird as hell name to boot. Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance? The hell you say??

Coolstorm: The theme of the game from the trailer seems a bit redundant doesn it? Revenge with a Vengeance! Is this one of those rough translations that just went somewhere horrible? I'm really concerned for this game as Raiden is the main character again, which last time that happened with Metal Gear Solid 2, I disliked it. Metal Gear should just belong to Solid Snake. The gameplay also concerns me, as it seems to be loaded with gore and focuses more on swordplay than the covert stuff that the Metal Gear series is known for. It almost looked like the game was copying the Wii classic (do they have those?) No More Heroes.

Numbspoon: Hard to say with anything coming out of Japan. Nine times out of ten, the whole thing will wind up confusing the hell out of you. ESPECIALLY if it has a Kojima stamp on it.

Coolstorm: Yes Kojima does tend to have the ability to be artsy to the point of you just mouthing "What the hell?" by the time you either get mid-way or to the end of the playthrough of most of his work. As much as we've talked about some great trailers, there were a few that it definitely seemed like we didn't care about. One game though we appeared to have mixed reactions on, and that was The Amazing Spider-Man, I was impressed by the trailer, it seemed like they are trying to redeem themselves from Spider-Man: Edge of Time, which our own Mimic gave a rather low score to, but still pretty generous compared to other reviewers.

Numbspoon: Well, you are looking at it from a totally different perspective. I see it as not so much a redemption for that game at all. I see it as another game adaptation of a movie, far removed from the story of the Web of Time and Shattered Dimensions games.

Coolstorm: I gotcha. All the same though, I think it looks pretty awesome and hope it delivers. Any closing comments?

Numbspoon: About this awards show? Absolutely not. Matter of fact, I think we have given it far more attention than it deserves. I will say that we are putting together an end of year piece that will talk about a lot of the games that were honored in the VGAs, as well as each of us at Grumpy Old Nerds giving you our list of favorite games from 2011.

Coolstorm: You heard it from the boss man, thank you all for taking the time to read this. We definitely appreciate it. Also, Felicia Day if you are reading this…You know how to contact me, I look forward to seeing your e-mail. Yes? No? Come on we could get married, I’ll take your last name, we can have kids and name them after holidays. Things like Christmas Day, Columbus Day, and Turkey Day. Good, huh?

Numbspoon: …..Absolutely not.

Coolstorm: Eh, was worth a shot.

You can follow Numbspoon and Coolstorm on Twitter @Numbspoon and @cstormscreation respectively.

Dear Bioware,

I know we kind of had a fight the last time we talked. You said Dragon Age 2 was great, I said I hated you…then you talked about The Old Republic, and I said go to hell you’ve been working on it for 3 years, I wanted some commitment….and I left you. Sure we saw each other from time to time when I’d play Mass Effect, or Mass Effect 2….but it wasn’t about you. It was about Shep and company. Joint custody of the kids was great. I was moving on with my life. And then I got that email with that magical phrase, “You are invited to test Star Wars The Old Republic”.….damn you and your way with words. I promised myself I wouldn’t fall for your act again, that I knew better….I wasn’t going to let what happened to me in Kirkwall happen again. But that email was just so…damn beautiful! So I played it the first time…a Sith Warrior, with a scar on his face. A scar that represented the scar you left on my heart Bioware…a scar you left on my heart.

Creepy? Oh my yes, but let’s face it, Dragon Age 2? TOTAL disappointment. Hell, I know a certain fellow by the name of Mimic that went on a month-long tirade at the mere mention of that game. We’re talking a full-on Reagan Smash kind of tirade. But when I had the pleasure of taking part in a Beta weekend, I was enamored with this title….and I HATE MMOs. No seriously, ask the others. I have been of the opinion that anyone that takes legitimate joy in a game in this genre is severely and irreparably brain damaged. But this? No no no…this is damn near brilliance in digi-whatsis form. It takes everything I LIKE about real games and puts it in an environment where if you wanted to mingle with sticky human people…you could. But you could also tell them to suckit and you go on your merry way. (I like the suckit option myself). I wanted to tell my chums at Grumpy Old Nerds all about my experience, but due to the NDA at the time, I could not. Looking back though, even if I wanted to…I was so hypnotized by what I was seeing, I am not sure I could have adequately given a description that would do it justice.

So when word came out that not only was I going to get another crack at the Galaxy Far Far Away, A LONGER Time Ago than when George Lucas decided to shit on the franchise….I was ready. When I found out that my friends at Grumpy Old Nerds was going to get to play along with me? I was absolutely EXTATIC. So, if anyone is curious as to why there were no updates on the site until recently….SWTOR and gearing up for it would be why. We meant to do stuff…really we did. But we had SWTOR Fever. Yes it is a real thing. And no it isn’t a rash. So you should probably get that looked at.

For my second go-round, I decided to take on the Jedi Knight as I was a HUGE fan of the Knights of the Old Republic games. So, when I found out that writer extraordinaire, Drew Karpyshyn was responsible for the story of this class, I had to give it a whirl. Now let me preface what I am about to say with before I even got a chance to test the game, I was planning on becoming a Trooper for our guild. Mostly because the “Can we shoot them now?” mentality is pretty much…well…me. However, getting my feet wet with the Knight made me realize that there is no way in hell I can start with any other class for the Republic. The Knight’s story is just too damn good. I am not just saying that, it is outstanding. The further along I went, the more I wanted to experience. I was absolutely dumbfounded when I got to touch down on the wilds of Taris, going through the planet I could make out little pieces of the civilization that was there during the time of KOTOR when I was leading Revan, Bastila, Carth, and Canderous through her streets. Combat with a lightsaber I had figured would seem repetitive and clunky, but somehow the developers managed to make the process engaging nearly every time. There were numerous occasions where I had to remind myself that I was actually playing an MMO. But on to the less glamorous bits….like functionality. I took to the whole MMO process easier than I expected, simply because when I listen to fellows talk about their game experiences, I swear they seem to be speaking in tongues…the urge to drown them in holy water and set them on fire is great, I assure you. As for hardware issues….not to be a dick, but I had none. The machine that I play on was custom built to ensure I would be able to play this thing at the highest level possible. To borrow from former President George W. Bush: “Mission Accomplished”.

I did notice some bugs and glitches in the game that I am sure will be addressed before launch if not shortly after, and the matter of hearing everyone else’s companions run their mouths was more than a little irritating, but all in all this game has ruined any chance of another MMO coming along and convincing me that anything other than SWTOR is worth my time. The bar, she has been raised to a standard that is going to take a lot of work to meet let alone top. Which leads me back to my letter to Bioware….

I just wanted you to know, I forgive you. DA2 never happened as far as I am concerned, and whatever differences we had…we can work them out. I know we can. It is clear to me now that SWTOR is proof that you learned your lesson, and I for one am ready to give you another chance. Just don’t break my heart again. I swear if I see a damn gungan at any point, there will be blood.

Huggles,

Numbspoon

When I saw Halo CE on the list, I was hoping that I was to be reviewing a game called Halo: Cooking Exalted. The protagonist would be Master Chef Bobby Flay and his mission would be to rescue key leaders in the Catholic Church with his ability to cook divine meals. The whole thing would have played out as Diner Dash meets the Da Vinci Code. I WANTED it to be that. Anything, ANYTHING but another damn Halo game. If that was the case I was absolutely willing to go get ABBA: You Can Dance and review that just so I didn't have to deal with the ridiculous bullshit nonsense that comes with this franchise. But, NOOOOO. I am not lucky.

So instead of something new and different, we get yet another addition to the slew of toys, videos, books that cut into the shelf space of Star Wars literature at my local Barnes and Noble, oh yeah and all 7 (going on 8) video games. You remember when Halo 3 was supposedly the last we were going to see of the series? And then they put out what....2 others and have announced a 4th on the way? Glorious. Just glorious. So with these games, we are also getting a steady supply of Halo. And since Bungie is now owned by Activision...a name synonymous (NOT REALLY) with quality, we are likely to see at least 20-30 more, whether they are good or not. I'm going to go ahead and put my money on the whole....NOT thing. HOW EXCITING, Right?

Hell, even as I am writing up this review they are finishing up the storyboard for Halo 12: The Search for Spock. But hey, whatever, right? Let's just go ahead and review this sucker before that stroke I've been warned about finally kicks in.



The premise of the game is that you are a human cyborg or a cyborg human, I really wasn't paying that much attention to the particulars. Anyway, this Master Chief guy comes in and starts running around shooting people and yelling like one of those frat kids that you see in Revenge of the Nerds. (Quick little side bar here....playing just Madden and Halo does not make you a gamer. It makes you a douche.)

ANYWAY, Master whatsis saves the planet or the diamonds or the princess or whatever through the magical combination of running jumping climbing trees....and shooting things. I just thought of something though. Perhaps this Master guy is one of those action transvestites that Eddie Izzard was talking about all those years ago.

In all seriousness this game is the same as it was 10 damn years ago. They just improved the graphics and slapped it in a shiny new box. And you bought it. Congratulations Halo fan: you've just been George Lucased (See definition 1). I am sure most people in the business of reviewing games are going to give this a nice chunky score, but not me. Call me when you people do something new with the genre and we'll talk. Until then? Same old same old isn't it? But with that.... screw it, let's just go on to the Break Down.

THE GOOD

• It wasn't another Mario game....so there's that.
• The graphics are greatly improved so it DOES look nice.
• Controls are pretty much typical of your run of the mill shooter.
• It gives some people something to do before SWTOR comes out.

THE BAD

• The shooter genre is tired, lame, and RIDICULOUSLY redundant.
  
• Launching a remaster of a 10 year old game doesn't help either.
• Another in a long line of games that are absolutely irritating.
• The remaster job looks pretty, sure...but graphically it looks like crap compared to the last Halo game: Reach.
• This probably means we'll get hit with more books and movies. ...Great.

Numbspoon's Numeric Value: 5.0

A BIT OF A DISCLAIMER. I know we have been hard on the FPS games we have reviewed here, and it is easy to, based on that, draw the conclusion that we hate them. Not true. We have been fans since the original Wolfenstein. We just feel as though the genre has become over saturated and because of that, the products have suffered greatly. So...since no one else is going to say it we will. FIX IT!

Let me just say that I am sorry about the pun in the title. And by sorry, I mean I am not really, so shut up. I think it is safe to say that in terms of gaming, I am a story first kind of guy (I look forward to your e-mails that I won’t read). That isn’t to say that I don’t appreciate game play, scrutinize every facet of controls, layout, graphics, etc….it just means that if you want to really get me, better make sure your narrative is solid. So when a certain 500 dollar block of plastic and Blu-ray playing fun known as the PS3 first advertised the original Uncharted…I knew that I had to get one just so I could play this game. That’s right….I bought a PS3 just so I could play Uncharted. Honestly? I don’t regret it for a second. Drake’s Fortune was one of the best told stories I have ever experienced, and coupled with game play that wasn’t perfect but had a lot of potential to grow, I was one happy little nerd. The second game was also a hit for me, despite a few little gripes I had with game play and the story gaps between the first and second were a little irritating; but I was still in. And now we have the third installment of the franchise….a franchise that appears to not be going anywhere anytime soon. There is some good and bad in this puppy, which we’ll discuss later. But first…the run down.

The game gets right down to business as we have our intrepid heroes Drake and Victor “Sully” Sullivan entering into a pub that subsequently leads to a bar fight breaking out…well, more aptly a pub brawl. The prize that is being sought after in this installment of the franchise is the lost city of Iram; referred to in the game as the Atlantis of the Sands. The quest to find this city requires Drake and some familiar faces to scour the globe in locations such as London England, southern France, Syria, and Yemen as they trace the steps of not only Francis Drake but also T.E. Lawrence better known as Lawrence of Arabia.

As far as character interaction goes, the main focus is on the relationship with Sully and Drake and their history with the main antagonist, Katherine Marlowe. Through this, we see the first meeting of Drake and Sully, as well as the first encounter with Marlowe that sets the story up as Iram being a bigger find than even El Dorado itself from the first Uncharted. The dynamic and relationship between Nate and Sully is good and compelling, but the problem is the same kind of chemistry and dynamic with other characters seems to suffer. Chloe for instance does not seem at all like the character we experienced in Among Thieves, and we again find Elana Fisher and Drake being estranged from one another again…a trend that I really hope does not continue in any future Drake games.

Another trend that I am a little worried about is the use of gimmicks from the previous games showing up in this one. Escaping from crumbling ruins, while effective, can get old really fast if it shows up in every title. Repackaging the concept would be a good idea. I was also left scratching my head at the use of a quasi-supernatural obstacle in what can only be described as “Arachnophobia level” spiders. There really seemed like they were put in for no logical reason at all, especially when the city itself has no connection to the insects whatsoever…yet here they were at every necessary location in their quest to Iram.

There are some additions to the series that did not show up in the other two, however….and they were great. For instance, new melee finishes like pulling the pin on an enemy’s grenade that is still strapped to their belt. That kind of flourish made you want to engage in hand to hand combat as often as possible just so you could get the satisfaction of blowing a guy up with their own grenade.

For all of the good that we got, there were moments where you had to sit back and scratch your head and figure out in what way did this seem like a good idea…like with camera angles. The camera has been a point of irritation for me in a lot of games, and Uncharted has been no exception there. The camera in the franchise does do things better than most, but when they get things wrong, you really see it…and potentially feel it. Angles like one on the sinking ship part of the game (OMG SPOILERTHHHH!) that must have been pitched by a kid that took one film class/and or dropped out of filmschool but believes themselves to be an artist. The angle is SO ANNOYING you would be hard pressed to beat said kid with a bronzed replica of an Oscar yelling “YOU ARE NOT SCORSESE” with each blow.

Despite my gripes (which you will see more in the Breakdown), Drake’s Deception is a really solid game that is extremely entertaining as well as addicting. I say this because what was intended to be a “first impressions” piece ended up being the full fledged review just because I couldn’t put the damn thing down. It is another winner by Naughty Dog who I hope continues to grow and improve. A great game that demands you play it at least once.

The Breakdown

The Good:

• Epic story we have come to expect from the franchise
• New melee combat “finishes” that give us more than just a “knockout”.
• Art is top notch, doing a phenomenal job in sucking you in to the game.
• The cover system seems to have improved over the course of the three games.
• Top Notch Voice Acting….you once again feel like you are experiencing a film rather than a game.
• The throwing (be it grenade or propane tank) seemed to be a lot smoother this time around.
• AI was a lot meaner this time around.
• Co-Op feature is a nice treat.

The Bad:

• Camera Angles at times were just awkward….like on the ship for instance (yes yes…spoilerth. Go to hell).
• Quick Time Events in melee combat did not seem to work consistently. You could be wailing on triangle all day and still get a face full of fist.
• Too many of the “big guy” minions in combat mode. They were a unique addition to the game, but their continued use took away from the novelty.
• While the game tells a great story, it is once again way too short….a minor gripe here but with something as good as Uncharted, you always want more.
• I know I said the cover system was improved…but there were still moments where it seems off. There were places that one should (if they employ logic) be able to crouch behind or lean against that instead made for some awkward moments where you roll against a wall.
• In the same breath, movement of Drake could be really sloppy at times as well. I noticed times when you wanted Drake to move slowly made him look like he was constipated because the engine felt that for the particular situation, he should be running.

Numbspoon’s Numeric Value: 9.1

A few things to talk about this week; some of it good….but most of it is just down right annoying as hell. We have gotten a lot of news on some anticipated titles as well as tired old standards; and I felt it important that we talk about them. By we, I of course mean me, and by talk I mean go on a tirade (for the most part) over these offending news items in question. But how would I go about it? How could I convey the kind of irritation that is being experienced? Why, in this new segment: Get Off My Lawn! So without further adieu…

Blizzcon took place this past week and I can’t adequately convey how big a waste of time this ridiculous “convention” is. Where E3 and others feature hundreds upon hundreds of titles, Blizzcon features two or three that we probably won’t get our hands on until three years after the fact. Of course we can’t forget the wildly popular World of Warcraft, a title that features the best society has to offer. When it became obvious that the upcoming title from Bioware, Star Wars: The Old Republic was going to pose as competition to a game that has begun to see its numbers dip...outside of those who like to sodomize themselves with TV remotes, it was clear that they needed something big….something that will draw people back into the World…of….well you get the idea. Their solution?

Pandaria and the new race: Pandarans. The new expansion: Mists of Pandaria sounds like a kind of Naruto vehicle you would find on Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon. But no, this would be how the Blizz responds to immersive multiplayer experiences, innovative companion systems, and a setting created by a bearded madman that has generated billions upon billions of dollars in movie, action figure, and clothing sales worldwide: put some Jack Black Kung Fu Panda in their game. Great idea. No seriously…I know my first instinct when having to compete with a Galaxy Far Far Away would be to open up content that reminds people that they need to order the Peking Duck from the local Panda Express. BUT on the bright side….this might actually be the thing that gives Gungans the street cred that idiot Lucas had been hoping for since he unleashed that Jar Jar monstrosity upon the world.

If I could go back to Bioware if I may, we had mentioned the news about multiplayer in Mass Effect 3 back when it was announced by the game’s head honcho: Casey Hudson. Since that time we have gotten small bits of info on what the feature would entail, and assurances that this is a separate experience entirely from the main story. As a matter of fact, we have learned that no one will be able to play as Commander Shepard in this (up to) 4 player survival mode, and in honesty? I think that it could be a good thing if done properly. Though I still wonder why in the hell we need to have multiplayer for every damn game that comes out. I mean come on….what happened to simple single player? Do we HAVE to have a feature that forces us to interact with other people online? And great question…what is it about online play that turns a person into such a little douche? All I know is the first person I hear saying something like “nice one noob” or however those little shits talk, I am unleashing friendly fire upon.

Earlier I had reviewed Batman: Arkham City and had given it a rather high score (9.0 out of 10). While I stand by it, this is not to say that there isn’t a lot wrong with the game. There are a lot of little things that really make you disappointed in the work. If it was anything else, it would have gotten a 7.5 or an 8.0, but considering how good the positives were, it really helped balance it out. The story in particular leaves you with a “holy shit” feeling that makes you forget all but for a moment how cliché’d boss battles were. Regardless, I stick by the 9.0 and if you are any fan of Batman at all, you will agree. And if you don’t….well odds are you are a terrorist.

The next big title to be coming out this year is the highly anticipated Uncharted 3.

I can’t help but worry that this latest Nathan Drake adventure is going to be a narrative letdown in comparison to the first two of the franchise. Regardless, all that we have seen looks breathtaking and I hope that I am not disappointed with it. We’ll have a first impressions write up the first night and then a review this week so keep an eye out for that. Don't forget to follow me on Twitter @Numbspoon. For now? I am going to go sit out on my porch and yell at children with a bullhorn.

- Numbspoon