Grumpy Old Nerds

Well, another year, another batch of games to occupy our time.  We here at Grumpy Old Nerds felt that given this was our inaugural year of providing snarky commentary at a semi-regular frequency, we should at least give our favorites of 2011 (NOT named SWTOR).  So, naturally, we thought that the two loudest of the bunch would probably give us a decent list.  Well, they didn't disappoint, that is for sure.  So here now are the top 5 games from our own Mimic and Numbspoon.

Mimic's Top 5 Games of the Year

Gears of War 3

It pushes a solid war story that reminds you of those great WW2 epics while allowing you to be a deranged killing machine.

Batman: Arkham City

It's so well done that you really buy into the fact you're playing Batman himself.  It's not a game made to cash in, it's a game made to make you feel like you're really the dark knight.

Uncharted 3

 It rehashes a few things, but you really get that maturing feeling from the characters.  It shows character growth and doesn't ram it up your ass like a 10 ton hammer.

X-Men Destiny

It honestly was a good game, worth playing, and it can honestly be hours of fun if you stop looking for something to blow your mind.  It's just good on it's own, but 6 playthroughs worth of a game is well worth a high-honor to me. 

Captain America

It's not the movie, but it's sure as shit like you're playing the movie.  You're in WW2, the slang is there, the bad 40s humor is there, the washed out colors, even the style of dress is well done.  And you get to play the ultimate super soldier without trying to defy physics too often.  It was hard to do, but they did it well enough I'd be doing it a disservice by not mentioning it.

Numbspoon’s Top 5 Games of the Year

Portal 2

There was a time when you mentioned Valve and you would either think Half Life or Team Fortress.  So when the first Portal came out as essentially a FPS that did not involve any….well….shooting in the traditional sense, I was skeptical to say the least.  I played it, loved it and wanted a lot more.  Portal 2?  Gave me more.  It is visually engrossing, it makes you think of a solution rather than shoot your way through a problem, and the voice work?  Amazing.  I did not want to miss a single syllable uttered in that whole thing just because of how great it was.  I know we said we wouldn’t go in any particular order….but this is my Game of the Year.  Hands down.


Batman: Arkham City


This game could have easily been my Game of the Year had it not been for Portal 2.  The people behind this budding franchise have done what so many before them were incapable of doing: making good Batman games.  They got writers that know the subject matter, they got voice talent that is passionate about the characters as well as their own work, and it shows in every second of game play.  This is one that you should be giving a try even if you are not a fan of the Dark Knight simply because of how well done a game this is.


Uncharted 3

I am going to level with you all; the Uncharted series is the biggest reason why I own a PS3.  Like the two before it, Uncharted 3 tells us a great story, shows some character development and gives us some insight into what we could be seeing next from our pal Drake and company.  If Spielberg and Lucas are thinking about making another Indiana Jones movie, they need to stop what they are doing and pay attention to what Naughty Dog has put together with Uncharted.  Take notes, boys because these cats can write CIRCLES around you all.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

This one to me is a pick wrapped in nostalgia.  The first of this series was easily one of my favorites back in the day.  Invisible War was disappointing and I was afraid the franchise would die because of it.  Then Human Revolution finally came out and I have to say, it makes up for Invisible War and it was an enjoyable time.  Though, I do suggest that this one be played on the PC as the console experience isn’t as….rewarding.

Assassin’s Creed: Revelations

Okay, look.  Some person on the staff….I won’t name any names but for the sake of argument I will just call them Spanky…hated this game.  Which is fine, it wasn’t the best of the franchise, I’ll admit.  But the multiplayer is without a doubt, one of the most fun experiences I have had online via a console game.  And the continuation of the Desmond Miles story was what I really enjoyed.  It wasn’t anything new in terms of game play, but if you consider that Ubisoft has been cranking these AC games out every year, it is truly hard to expect drastic changes.  Regardless, I liked the game and it is certainly worth a look.


So, there you have it.  Thanks to the guys for giving us their selections and hopefully we’ll get some more insight into the year that was 2011 before we’re through.  Keep your eyes peeled from more from us in the years to come, and those of you that do visit the site, we just want to take this opportunity to say thank you for the support and don’t stand in the grass.  Just mowed it and she’s fragile.   

So what would you do if you wrote your very own Spiderman game? Most of us would take pieces of the games in the past that we liked and cobble them together into one super conglomerate of Spidey goodness. Maybe even varying up the gameplay enough to never make you feel like you're just slowly chipping away at the game while keeping things fresh. However in this go-round of the Spiderman gaming franchise... well we got porked worse than Spider-Pig.

Shattered Dimensions appealed to the gamer in us all by juggling us through varied and beautiful environments that were so radically different that sometimes you'd just stop running around the map to admire the work done. Which was expected, and even encouraged in a few levels where you were handed a wide pallet of scope to gaze at lovingly while trying to throw down with various bad guys. Not to mention how different the four Spidermen played. Between the extremely goofy Amazing Spiderman's web weapons to the gritty stealth assaults of Noir Spiderman.

However returning to this series are none of those good ideas. The four player cast is reduced to half. Giving you only Miguel O'Hara and Peter Parker to play with, and while this may not have been a bad thing to do in the end, it left the bad taste in my mouth that I couldn't appreciate the crafty chaos of Peter Parker's web antics as much without sneaking in the shadows as a hushed and gritty Noir Spiderman to contrast with.

Also the distinctive art styles varying from the hard edged black and white Sin-City style characters and locals to the fresh-and-clean plastic shapes of the world of 2099 are pretty much tossed. Instead both Spidermen share one style of graphics. The 2099 style, if you're a fan of the first game. While this worked so well in the first, this time you miss seeing those blotchy black outlines while playing Amazing Spiderman. At first I thought it wouldn't matter, but as time on this game ticked by I noticed I did, in fact, care. And missed that comic style art. However that alone cannot harm a game it's self.

The distinctive fighting styles, at their core, are still different, however both embrace a chaotic and sometimes satisfying smash-them-all style. Miguel still looks like he's got lightsabers on his hands, and Parker still strikes an impressive pose every time he lashes out with a punch or kick worthy of the hundreds of fan-favorite comic covers over the years. Still the end results are not very different. Even the movement system that left Miguel free-dropping for miles at a time to beat up on a bad guy that we loved so much? It's back. Far too much of it is back, in fact. Too much cake makes you sick, dontcha know?

I can nit pick all I want about the game, but the story is actually at least entertaining after you remind yourself that this is a Spiderman story. Which is usually comprised of the nearly impossible happening and you just have to roll with it. Once you jump that shark (or nuke the fridge, depending on your phrase of choice) it offers and interesting tale of how an Alchemex employee from 2099 went back in time to start the company earlier. And how Miguel and Parker have to work together to bring it down in two time lines.

The small picture in picture of the other Spiderman in the bottom right is entertaining. And their back-and-forth is very Spiderman worthy. It displays that the writers went into this with a real sense of Spiderman's core attribute at heart: A wit that never fades. And while listening to them banter through mediocre scenes makes much of the more boring parts bearable, it doesn't redeem the obserdity of the meddling they do with the timeline to get past particularly nasty surprises. Back to the Future with webs. Nuff said.

What about web swinging, you say? Yeah... what about it? There's very little. Most hallways are too small, short, and enclosed to really allow you to get that engrossed feeling you got from earlier Spidermans flops that at least felt cool to swing all through the city willy-nilly like GTA: Marvel. With slightly less car jacking or tank spawning cheats. Though that might have helped a few times here. Instead you get a cramped feeling, something that works against Spiderman's core strength as a character, and leaves you frustrated after a few hours of being given the iconic web swinger trapped in a sardine can.

We also lose that wonderful addition of first-person brawling you got periodically with certain bosses, making you feel like it was you who was dealing a whooping on them with some well placed right crosses. And sadly we're not really given any new neat gimmicks that would replace that unique and surprisingly fun feature. Bosses aren't an objective in and of themselves as the first game was, which gave the whole action of each episode a widened feel that the thugs you had to brawl were a means to an end. This time you just wish Spiderman could hide somewhere for a while and sneak past a few waves for the sake of your own sanity.

But what about the voices? We still get some veteran Spidermen from the first game. However older players like myself who remember Spiderman and his amazing friends will wilt just a little when they hear that Miguel is no longer voiced by that veteran voice actor and instead is voiced by the Spiderman from the 90s cartoon who did so well as the Noir Spidey in the last game. In fact I think a majority of my frustrations from this installment come from the fact that Noir isn't even there. He proved to be the heavy divergence from the norm and gave the other Spidermen that feeling of being that much more powerful only because he was so rooted in real world rules despite his powers.

At the end of the game you may enjoy the banter, the story (which isn't the best, but is nothing to scoff at) and even some of the game play. However after such a wonderful dose of Spiderman from the last outting this one leaves a sad taste in your mouth when it's all said and done just because no one wants to eat generic brand treats that cost as much as the real thing. Despite all this your real Spiderman fans will still have plenty of costumes to unlock, challenges to complete and difficulty settings to tear apart. Still for the majority of the gamers who're not huge fans of the Wall Crawler this will just leave you shaking your head for the small things that could have turned it into such a great second outting for the friendly neighborhood Spiderman.

All in all I think Family Guy said it best. "Everybody gets one." And sadly we already got ours.

The Breakdown:

The Good:

* The story isn't the greatest, but it still has it's moments that draw you in and makes you believe the obserdity of what's going on.
* The banter between Spidermen as they progress is excellent and can lighten the mood all on it's own.
* Voice acting and cut scenes are extremely well done, making the game feel like a Spiderman movie they probably shouldn't tell Sony about, but certainly an animated movie that we'd have loved to see.

The Bad:

* Gone are the distinctions that really stand out between the Spidermen besides a few minor gimmicks that don't really stand out on their own.
* No Noir Spiderman. Which was a great showing in the first one.
* Boss fights don't have the umph they did in the last outting. Leaving you more glad they're over simply to get on to the next part than having accomplished anything.
* Repetative cut-and-paste animations for solving environmental puzzles.
* No actual web swinging. Duh, guys!
* Only 1 really iconic villain to fight, and that's Black Cat who's cast as a villain every other game just to get her in the games themselves without blowing the story budget it seems.

Papa Mimic's Score: 6.5/10

Well I'm pleased to present my review for our site and say welcome. However I'm not going to wax poetic about dreams, hopes and other such nonsense because people check reviews to hear about the game and not to listen to someone's wistful philosophy. So without further delay I present Mimic's Grumpy Old Nerds review of Gears of War 3.





One of the first things you'll notice as soon as you start the game is that it looks just like the other two installments only much more clear. The graphics haven't been changed, but have been streamlined to look more like a solid war art that the other two did very well, however this time you can almost notice a consistency of very small tarnish marks on several characters' armor. Which is a big bonus from the first, and even a step up from the second which was visually great, but seemed to be just shy of really believable.

The only reason you even begin to notice is the flashback to the opening shots from the first game. At first I thought it was a throw-back to show off how much snazzier the graphics have gotten, but no. The undercurrent of the plot is set early and driven in like a nail-gun. Marcus has a dream of why he went to prison in the first place. A mission he lead that went so south it ended up in polar Mexico that involved his father.

Now that sentiment is driven home in the first 30 minutes of gameplay and very well written, and even makes you care. However as a fan of the series I couldn't help but wonder if it was just something to fill the gaps of wartime stress since Dom's wife was found in the second game. I wont spoil that moment for those who're new to the series, but the running concern and devotion for two games came to the sort of head that most movies fail to accomplish.

Despite this you'll be invested and believe in the friendships these people have developed over the course of their service together. It's not always on exposition like a Joss Whedon story, but it is told through amazing facial expressions, voice acting, and even some surreal dream-like moments where you know the environment is colored by time to appear like hell on Earth, but stands out as intense and very story driven none the less.

Baird, the most smart-mouthed Cog on the team, is in his usual form. Always shooting off with his mouth faster than the AI can spray bullets from an automatic weapon, but this time he has a comedic foil with a new female team member, Sam Byrne. Originally introduced in the novel Anvil's Gate, Byrne returns fire to Baird's wise mouth so fast that Cole Train is freed up to do what he does best. Scream "Wooh!" at the top of his lungs and treat grenades like footballs launched by Brett Favre in his prime.

With this in mind there is a sequence where you get a glimpse into the life of Cole Train. What could have been short and passed over quickly, became a short but satisfying little oasis in the so-serious carnage. Nothing Oscar worthy, but it made everything else sink in that much more. You really understood how things went straight to the gutter, and you see it from the ever optimistic (and violent) perspective of a former sports hero with a never-give-up mentality that you can't help but get swept up into.

All of this highlights that the shooting, mobile combat and controls have also been kept the same as Gears 2, with a notable exception of streamlining it to make it more smooth after some tweaking to personal liking. In the first Gears it was hard to control, jerky and you had moments where anger at the controller was expected. In Gears 3 you'll have a small learning curve, have to toy with the options, but you'll be kicking ass in no time flat. In fact you can bounce around the map with ease most of the time. Sometimes it's to your best interest to hunker down, pick out targets one at a time and just push them back like tide of death and muzzle flashes. Other times flanking will net you the best results and you'll need to be swift on your feet to get past some of the most dangerous AI the series has ever had.

With the addition of the sawed off shotgun blowing nearly anything to pulpy meat chunks at point blank range you quickly hold off on that guilty pleasure until you need to edge around a sizable force to ruin their day like dropped soap in a prison. Not to mention that there are 'charging' attacks now. Where you can use the chainsaw on the Lancer to impale someone before slamming their still gasping corpse-in-production into the ground. With the over-sized muscles that members like Fenix, Dom, and Cole Train sport it reminds you somewhat of the Incredible Hulk. If the Punisher took over his body.

What should be rehashed a thousand times gets broken up. In the second game the flying sequence was so excellent that they took that feedback and broke up the intense foot-work with some vehicle combat in air, on ground and even under water to make the story flow with the same spew of blood that it does throughout. What should be a campy attempt to make you not get sick of the constant carnage instead brings a gorey, dangerous and sometimes frustrating ride of insanity for one hell of a war-time story of the future. While I appreciate the attention to detail to story, graphics and gameplay, I still have my complaints. Beginning with some of the movement problems.

Even with the movement and cover system streamlined there comes plenty of problems to make it almost as frustrating in sections as the first. Most of it revolving around strange cover. Sometimes the only place to take cover that's not in crossfire is in the worst possible spot. That may be intentional, but carving you way to a better vantage point becomes laborous in two or three parts and you find yourself calling for a medic quite often in later levels if you're not packing enough sawed off shotgun ammo to cut a path to a good flanking possition.

Secondly the shooting controls, as I said, are excellent. They just need to be slightly adjusted to your style of play. The default settings just feel sluggish and strange, but with a few minor tweaks you too can make Marcus Fenix a monster on two feet. However some of this cant be fixed. As good as X-Box is it just cant quite get that precise feeling that a mouse could, and you're painfully aware fast. More so in multiplayer when you're aware of the guy behind you and give the other guy a full second and a half to cut you to pieces.

However this can be a strength as the multi-player experience is as strong as any game can possibly be without giving way to grief-wars and relying in fan made mods. Allowing you to do a split screen co-op or even a 4-man online team up that reminds players of Left 4 Dead's excellent multi-player experience. This go around the team can work together as never before. And any excuse to play as Cole Train is a good thing.

The Horde Mode gameplay is also excellent this time. First introduced in Gears 2, this time it's beefed up by giving you a wide array of monsters and mutant death machines to help take out the surviving human scum. Some of the mutants can't take cover, some aren't even remotely bipedal, and others are clunky and slow. However none of them are weak, and in the right hands can terrorize a battlefield and give even the multiplayer that feeling of the campaign when every sort of creature is out to wreck the last hold outs of humanity.

Some of the story gets corny in places, and feels forced or rehashed, but the moments are brief and by the final push for the end you get the general Gears feeling of wanting to fist pump the air while you reload and scream "Wooh!" while you wade through bad guys with a Schwarzenegger abandon. So I'll have to give this absolute excellent installment credit for making you invested.

It's riveting to see the team just be bonded. Not having to explain why, or try to make art out of it, but the subtle and gruff ways they show affection and understanding with mostly the cutscenes and spattered banter during fights is outstanding. Even in tense moments where most games would bring in the string instruments and give you a sledgehammer of 'you should care' this game takes a step further and continues the smart remarks, puns, and crude denials of anything short of being the toughest damn soldiers to ever exist in the history of mankind.

In short if you're a fan of the series, or even a newcomer to the series, you'll enjoy Gears 3. Even die hard FPS players who insist that if you see the character holding the gun it's for kids will enjoy the strategy, complexity, and violence this installment packs in like Baird packs his 'extra strength' explosives. With difficulties ranging from raw nooby to elite death machine worthy, this game has the ability to actually make your death enjoyable at times, and give you a sense of scale and story that are sadly lacking in far too many shooter games that push multiplayer and give you a campaign as a side note.


The Breakdown:

The Good:

* Smooth graphics make the combat feel fluid and not a static reload and spray event common among some lesser titles.
* The story has it moments that grip you so well you're sometimes on your feet even during cutscenes marveling at how things could possibly get worse.
* Movement controls (after adjustments) can be almost everything you could hope for and more than you'd ever expect from a competitive shooter in this day and age.
* Engaging characters, though is that a surprise for Gears? WOOH!
* Lots of guilty gore, and in this day and age that's worth mentioning.
* Multiplayer is advanced enough to keep you coming back for a while if you're a die-hard competitor, or if you just want to experience an excellent war story with a friend.
* Playing the bad guy was never this much fun anywhere else.
* The final climax was soo good I couldn't sit down. And considering I'd been on my feet for 15 hours before I came home for that last push: That says something.

The Bad:

* Story rides on cliches and rehashes of it's self from time to time, but it wont bog down the overall feel.
* Movement still can be tricky. Not as good as other third person shooters such as Mass Effect 2, and you feel it when the fighting gets intense or you're online in multiplayer. But with lots of practice (and you'll have time) you can over come this.
* Environment issues can make or break a fight, and sometimes you're rewarded for the same behaviors that earlier you were punished for.

Papa Mimic's Score: 9.5/10