Grumpy Old Nerds

Before I get into this, I just want to say that just because we are grumpy does not mean we are going to nerd rage and be ridiculous like a lot of the folks have been in response to the ending of Mass Effect 3. Am I perturbed? Maybe...I still don't really know what the hell I am feeling about this, not anger or disappointment, but....I do feel empty. I do understand why folks are upset. Which is why I intend to give my two cents (albeit no one has asked for them, nor I wager are they welcomed) on the matter and why damn near everyone is wrong, including the self-righteous poser douches that fancy themselves artists in the "gaming media" biz. So, before I get to it...let me just say that there be spoilerth ahead. I will distract those of you who have yet to beat the game with a picture of kittens. For those who want to read on...well, fight the urge to keep staring and scroll forth!

There, weren’t they just adorable? Now back to the issue at hand. The first thing I would like to do is to commend Bioware, Casey Hudson, and all the people that were involved in the Mass Effect series. No, seriously. They did a fantastic job. These people managed to make a universe so engaging with characters that people connect with so strongly that when they came up with an ending that the alleged majority did not like, they were attached enough to damn near riot. I think any aspiring writer would wish for even a little bit of that kind of loyalty to a work.

Having said that, I can not say I am really happy with the ending but for much different reasons than the supposed popular one in which the outcome is “too dark”. I honestly expected Shepard to die, and I expected the war to not end as well as any of us would have liked. It is a sad truth of war, they aren’t exactly pretty, neat, or perfect. However, I do feel as though the uproar over the lack of decisions mattering for the player is one in which they have a point. You can not say that all of the choices you make are important when in the end, they really weren’t. It is bad for business. So because of these two things, there is a movement demanding a better ending, which has caught the attention of every asshole with a blog or is in charge of some arbitrary news blip.

There have been some sensationalists who are likening this demand for a better ending to changing Hamlet, or The Great Gatsby. Another bit I had come across stated essentially that it is the public’s misguided sense of the first amendment they feel they have the right to demand that a company bend to their will. It is to these people I’ll go ahead and refer to Dick Cheney. The people do have every right to make these demands, and they have every right to be upset. Belittling that just makes you look like a bigger asshole than I am…bravo. The companies however can choose to ignore the demands as is their rights, so there ya go.

There are however milder stances similar to the Gatsby and Hamlet folks essentially equating to “one shouldn’t try to change a work of art”. Which, yes I get that. I would never want a work of mine to be changed just because someone doesn’t like the ending. There are a few problems with this however.

First, this is not a new thing. Arthur Conan Doyle was given endless amounts of hell because the public hated him for killing off the beloved Sherlock Holmes. He eventually caved and wrote him back to life. I am sure the people who played the Gatsby and Hamlet card would argue that this is totally different. Not really. His vision, his art was changed because of the will of the people, his fans. Despite any of this however, the second thing to keep in mind is that this series has been extremely interactive. You could have a room of 10 people who have played the entire series and up until the end of 3, each one would have had completely different game experiences. They (we, really) arguably shaped the story and made it their (more our….but hey) own. Giving the people this kind of control and then severely limiting it in the final installment is just begging for backlash, plain and simple.

My personal opinion, the ending was dark enough, and I was okay with that, it just didn’t feel completed or very…Mass Effect. What bothered me more were the massive plot holes that my ending seemed to be chalk full of and I had done this ending three times now with every game in the Deus Ex series. I chose option 3, which was to blow up the citadel which would then destroy the Reapers, the Mass Relays, and logically speaking, every other ship in the stars. I unleashed the equivalent of a doomsday EMP blast that covered the entirety of the galaxy. With this ending, I watched as Joker managed to get away and crash on an unknown planet, amazingly enough with Liara (who was with me on the final mission) and other crew members who were on Earth while Joker was supposed to rejoin the fleet. How exactly did THAT happen? Was that just him imagining a happy ending for his friends? It was a little hard to tell, really. Which then leads me to the ending you get only if you have adequate galactic readiness; you know…the split second where you see a body of someone you assume is Shepard because of the N7 tags (who else flaunted that logo in this series, I ask you) gasping for air. How exactly, does a man (or woman) survive an explosion AND re-entry? And where was the citadel debris? I didn’t see any around him, did you?

There are countless theories about the endings on forums all over the place. Which are great, the people are thinking, and I applaud that. However, I am not holding my breath on this one. I get the feeling this is the end we have to deal with, and Bioware is going to have a hell of a time getting themselves out of the proverbial corner they just wrote themselves into. For now, however, I am going to wait and see what happens and what the company says on the matter. But for now, if their intent was to give me the finger and leave me an empty shell of what I once was until something good and pure comes along to bring me back? Mission Accomplished.

I don't think I really need to go into my loathing of the genre again. Anyone that has read anything on this site from me knows how I despise the MMO. The genre brings nothing of value to gaming and if anything it attracts an element that a good chunk of which probably should have been drowned at birth. Harsh? Probably...but I don't care much. Loud, obnoxious people piss me off and that seems to be what MMOs attract the most of.

Having said this, I have fallen in love with Star Wars: The Old Republic. Even had a sweet little love note put together for Bioware thanking them for the offering. Everyone here at Grumpy Old Nerds has in fact been doing almost nothing but logging on to the game and spending literally hours per day exploring the rich environments, the epic class unique stories, and even running flashpoints with friends. The interesting thing is, the rest of the gang are grizzled MMO veterans, having played 3 or more for an extended period of time a piece. I am going at this experience from the approach of an actual game, and am learning the MMO stuff as I go along. Here is the start of my journey.

When I started the game, I approached it from the standpoint of "which story would suit me the best" rather than "what class does the guild need". I honestly did not care what was needed, this was an experience that I wanted to enjoy. If I wanted to have to consider what would be best for an entire group, I'd go back to the office. Pass. So, I selfishly picked the Jedi Knight, mostly because of the story and who wrote it....another thing that I have mentioned on the site (Hi Drew....I love you man). I went along and played my character, and saw the other players as invaders in my experience rather than being a part of something bigger.


When the buzzwords that go hand in hand with MMOs started floating around, I honestly had no idea what they meant and to be frank....when they started seeping in, I got extremely annoyed. At first it was because they were muddying up my GAME with that World of Warcraft bullshit nonsense, but the more I thought about it....it was more because I had no idea what they were babbling about, and I kinda needed to. This was to be sure a rather lofty conflict for me because I loathe the culture that the MMO has created, and yet here I was finding myself needing to learn more about it and....God help me....embrace some if it in order for me to really get the most out of this game that I was only interested in for the story. Logically, I decided to hell with everyone and I stuck to my single player experience, kept my head down and plowed through the game. The quicker I was done, the quicker I could cancel my subscription and be done with all of it, before I started resenting games, friends, Star Wars, and anything else I might have overlooked.

This all worked great until I ran into a proverbial brick wall so massive...so immovable that it knocked me backwards a few hundred yards and gave me a little bit of a concussion. But I'm better now all head my think good is all....uh oh.

TO BE CONTINUED

Follow me on Twitter @Numbspoon

Well, another year, another batch of games to occupy our time.  We here at Grumpy Old Nerds felt that given this was our inaugural year of providing snarky commentary at a semi-regular frequency, we should at least give our favorites of 2011 (NOT named SWTOR).  So, naturally, we thought that the two loudest of the bunch would probably give us a decent list.  Well, they didn't disappoint, that is for sure.  So here now are the top 5 games from our own Mimic and Numbspoon.

Mimic's Top 5 Games of the Year

Gears of War 3

It pushes a solid war story that reminds you of those great WW2 epics while allowing you to be a deranged killing machine.

Batman: Arkham City

It's so well done that you really buy into the fact you're playing Batman himself.  It's not a game made to cash in, it's a game made to make you feel like you're really the dark knight.

Uncharted 3

 It rehashes a few things, but you really get that maturing feeling from the characters.  It shows character growth and doesn't ram it up your ass like a 10 ton hammer.

X-Men Destiny

It honestly was a good game, worth playing, and it can honestly be hours of fun if you stop looking for something to blow your mind.  It's just good on it's own, but 6 playthroughs worth of a game is well worth a high-honor to me. 

Captain America

It's not the movie, but it's sure as shit like you're playing the movie.  You're in WW2, the slang is there, the bad 40s humor is there, the washed out colors, even the style of dress is well done.  And you get to play the ultimate super soldier without trying to defy physics too often.  It was hard to do, but they did it well enough I'd be doing it a disservice by not mentioning it.

Numbspoon’s Top 5 Games of the Year

Portal 2

There was a time when you mentioned Valve and you would either think Half Life or Team Fortress.  So when the first Portal came out as essentially a FPS that did not involve any….well….shooting in the traditional sense, I was skeptical to say the least.  I played it, loved it and wanted a lot more.  Portal 2?  Gave me more.  It is visually engrossing, it makes you think of a solution rather than shoot your way through a problem, and the voice work?  Amazing.  I did not want to miss a single syllable uttered in that whole thing just because of how great it was.  I know we said we wouldn’t go in any particular order….but this is my Game of the Year.  Hands down.


Batman: Arkham City


This game could have easily been my Game of the Year had it not been for Portal 2.  The people behind this budding franchise have done what so many before them were incapable of doing: making good Batman games.  They got writers that know the subject matter, they got voice talent that is passionate about the characters as well as their own work, and it shows in every second of game play.  This is one that you should be giving a try even if you are not a fan of the Dark Knight simply because of how well done a game this is.


Uncharted 3

I am going to level with you all; the Uncharted series is the biggest reason why I own a PS3.  Like the two before it, Uncharted 3 tells us a great story, shows some character development and gives us some insight into what we could be seeing next from our pal Drake and company.  If Spielberg and Lucas are thinking about making another Indiana Jones movie, they need to stop what they are doing and pay attention to what Naughty Dog has put together with Uncharted.  Take notes, boys because these cats can write CIRCLES around you all.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

This one to me is a pick wrapped in nostalgia.  The first of this series was easily one of my favorites back in the day.  Invisible War was disappointing and I was afraid the franchise would die because of it.  Then Human Revolution finally came out and I have to say, it makes up for Invisible War and it was an enjoyable time.  Though, I do suggest that this one be played on the PC as the console experience isn’t as….rewarding.

Assassin’s Creed: Revelations

Okay, look.  Some person on the staff….I won’t name any names but for the sake of argument I will just call them Spanky…hated this game.  Which is fine, it wasn’t the best of the franchise, I’ll admit.  But the multiplayer is without a doubt, one of the most fun experiences I have had online via a console game.  And the continuation of the Desmond Miles story was what I really enjoyed.  It wasn’t anything new in terms of game play, but if you consider that Ubisoft has been cranking these AC games out every year, it is truly hard to expect drastic changes.  Regardless, I liked the game and it is certainly worth a look.


So, there you have it.  Thanks to the guys for giving us their selections and hopefully we’ll get some more insight into the year that was 2011 before we’re through.  Keep your eyes peeled from more from us in the years to come, and those of you that do visit the site, we just want to take this opportunity to say thank you for the support and don’t stand in the grass.  Just mowed it and she’s fragile.   

Well I blew the 12 days of Christmas riff. Not entirely my own fault. Holidays sort of sucked my life away. Between work, spending time with my son, more work, and trying to get things done around the house in preparation for Christmas... I sorta didn't get to do what I wanted. So I'm sorry. There. I said it. Never again, though. So take this as everybody gets one, and you just got yours.

However I feel like I should post something now that work and life have slowed down, and what better thing to post than a review of The Old Republic's Jedi Knight? Now in the beta weekend I played a Knight, and I reviewed the Bounty Hunter's story for the site here because I felt it was due a lot of praise for how well it was handled. Now that I'm actually getting some playtime into TOR, I wanted to do the same for the Knight, but with a more expanded venue. So with some spoilers in coming, I'm here to review Act 1 of the Jedi Knight.

Story

As you start off your character has handed on Tython, the new home of the Jedi Order, and is suppose to begin his trials to become a fully fledged Jedi Knight. However the academy is under attack from local primitives now armed with blasters, and doing a pretty good job of stressing out the blaster deflection skills of the Jedi Order. Not to mention attacking and killing Padawans fairly regularly.

So you are thrown into helping since you're one of the most advanced students while the more advanced Jedi Knights are doing more heroic things. This... leads to a long road. Not because you're a chosen one, or that you're so extraordinary that the stars bend to your will, but because your story follows you being in the wrong place at the right time repeatedly. You're a hero, to be sure, but you're not some crusading uber-Jedi. You're just the guy who the Force picks on to do the dirty work. And it shows.

From helping save padawans from flesh raiders, to helping a local Twi'lek village with their issues, to unlocking secrets from the ruins of Tython (swarming with old droids), you just happen to be where you are needed. Really given credence to the whole "will of the Force" thing. In fact this whole planet may be a bit bland, but it's the sort of non-galactic threat that makes it more entertaining. You're not saving all of creation, your just doing something good (or maybe bad) with your own back yard. Of this: I approve.

Afterwards you go on to Coruscant to begin, what I like to call, the decent into hell. Not because Coruscant is bad, in fact it's really entertaining. From helping a guy find his kidnapped girlfriend, to resolving corruption in the Senate, there are dozens of things to do and not a lot of it really seems to affect the galaxy as a whole as an impending doom hanging over someone's head. It's the sort of thing you expect Jedi to do when they're not on some super task they write novels about.

However at the end you seal your own fate by facing down a Sith Lord who stole super-weapon plans and was nice enough to e-mail them to his dad. A REALLY high ranking Sith Lord you'll know well if you read the Deceived novel. Darth Angral. Now... let me make this clear, here. You were just doing a random assignment and you were just the closest one to the issue when things broke bad. Not that they thought a ranking Jedi Master couldn't do it and you could, but you were sort of the Obi-Wan Kenobi of this scenario. You were the only hope. The only one who was close enough.

After killing this Sith in front of Daddy and his home-boys (a whole group of Sith Lords) you've now got a mark on your head. One you keep finding as you travel from planet to planet to recover the Super-Weapon data that was stolen while the Masters take on more dangerous worlds. So they're not at the sidelines, in fact they give you the light work. Again: You're not Jedi-Jesus. Keep this in mind.

With every planet you get to face down another of the pantheon of Sith Lords. All of them are right royal bastards in their own right, and all of them want you dead because Angral says so. But does this really feel heroic? The short answer: Damn right it does! Through the play you never feel like you're some Chosen one, or that you're some unstoppable juggernaut who can do what the Jedi Council cant (though from time to time you can), and as you get closer to the end of the act every boss fight has more and more twists behind it. Mechanics or story, it doesn't matter. The fights aren't just "beat x guy down", there's something going on. It's not like Luke trashed Vader by standing in 1 spot and doing a rotation, you actually fight it out by knowing when to dodge and sometimes when to just hit them extra hard. And often times things get pretty interesting.

All of the fights are memorable, and you get exiting dialog of some sort every time. So it's not a "he's dead, go turn this in" sort of thing, you actually get invested in how things played out. And that's not including the fact that there is at least 1 Sith Lord you can turn into a Jedi. Yeah... I said it. JEDI SITH PUREBLOOD! But I digress... The story sometimes pulled me forward so much I had to leave to go level just to have a prayer of seeing what happens next. You wanted to keep going. And honestly it's just that good. There is no doubt in my mind that this story is so well written it could have been a series of novels and people would have read them gleefully. I know I would have.

Even David Hayter's voice not sounding like his usual Solid Snake didn't slow me down. At first I may have been disappointed, but after a while it grows on you. So much so that if I goof around on a Consular (voiced by the wonderful Nolan North) I feel like he's just too loud. And honestly those moments where ole Dave smarts off with a snarky comment are priceless. He doesn't do things by half, that's for sure. Like telling a "Jedi Killer" that he thought he'd be taller, or cracking a joke with a soldier about which way the gun points, it's well done, even if it takes a little while for it grow on you.

Game Play

This is where things get bad, kids. Not that I don't love the gameplay myself, it's great. But mechanics... ey. Let me start by saying you get a lot of tools in your kit to handle a lot of situations. Damage from built focus points, damage on cooldowns, tanking cooldowns, stun removers, knock backs, channeled damage abilities... you have a sizeable kit. And you can work through a lot of various issues. The problem is one of two things depending on your advanced class.

I've played a Maurader (Sith's version of a Sentinel) and my most beloved character a Jedi Guardian specced for Vigilance. However if you're a dual weilder you're squishy. And I mean REALLY squishy. Pretty much anything can blow you in half, so you have to hit hard, hit fast, and pray to God it dies before you do. On the other side the single saber... well it doesn't hit very hard. You can live through a long LONG string of betting pummeled, but you don't have the power behind you to cause massive damage. So you're slowly dying while barely scratching a boss.

And I've had some pretty epic last stand saber fights, I admit to that. But the talent tree for the Guardian doesn't get interesting until later levels, making all the early choices barely able to keep up with current content, much less shine. Now I'm the first to say I don't want easy content, but I don't want to be button mashing and praying for the stars to align so I can manage that perfect crit streak to win. There has to be a happy medium. And so far it's just not there.

The game is just out, it was released early (they admitted to that) and I hold out hope. So there will be no class changing for me, but throughout Act 1 I felt lack-luster. My story was so good it kept pulling me on, but by gameplay was horrible. Often times so bad I wanted to punch a wall and scream when I had to out level my class quests by 5-ish levels to have a chance to beat certain bosses. And I wont lie... I called in backup from a friend a few times. He wrecked all my stopping points with minimal effort, and I felt good for progressing along this amazing story, but I felt terrible because I needed help to do it. So you can see where a lot of mixed emotions come in with this game.

The Verdict

Between a lot of polish needed, some balancing required, and honestly just some bad design choices, this class is fun. You may want to bring a friend as you take on those big story fights to help you along, but you'll never feel like you're shorted on pure cool factor. If you're wanting a PvP review then I'm not the guy to talk to. I'm a very casual PvP player and honestly I may be good at being the underdog in a PvP match, but this class lacks to compete without support in PvP. At least from what I've seen so far.

People will cry foul for me smashing the difficulty, but you ARE talking to a guy who plays all his console games on easy for a reason. When it comes to this class, I think you'll have fun, and if you can get past Tython, get your ship and apprentice, then you're in the golden age. However just keep in mind that you'll have to be patient with it. Time will bring it where it needs to be, but until then? Enjoy the ride. And some day you can look back at newer Jedi Knights and say, "I beat Act 1 before the nerf bat sent it into orbit!"

And that's always a good thing.

Papa Mimic's Final Score: Under Construction

Never score something that's a work in progress, folks. And this class is just that: A work in progress. When things change (or Act 2) comes along I'll throw you another review, but until then enjoy your gaming, and I hope you had a great Christmas and a safe New Years.

Do we really need to say it?  We have only been going on about it since the last Beta weekend.  We've been spending as much time as we can there rather than working on this site, which...we are sorry.  But come on....you'd do the same thing if you were us.  But you really are going to make us say it.  Well, fine.  What we're looking forward to this week?  Is this:


That's right.  FINALLY!  This game has been eating away at us for months, YEARS even!  And finally it is upon us.  We have been loving this (mostly) and hope to continue to do so for some time after the "newness" wears off.  This, could have easily been the best game of this year, and next year for that matter....time will tell won't it?  So for those of you who have enjoyed the early release time?  Congratulations and keep up the good work in there.  The community, outside of a few issues has been great.  As for those of you who haven't picked it up yet?  Give it some thought.  It isn't your idiot neighbor's MMO.

Normally by now most people don't have their shopping done. You should, but most of you don't. You'll wait till the last second, praying for that perfect item to come in stock, or that sale on the item you want to get for someone (but don't want to fork over the cash). And every year you tell yourself "I'll have it done early next year." But do you ever? Well some do, I admit. But most of you? Nah. You're like me and slack off till the last second.

Fear not! For I have come to help you pick out gifts that most likely haven't been thought of, asked for, and fit into a small budget. These gifts may not fit your intended hopeful every time, but I'm here to review and suggest items to help out you last minute shoppers hoping to get what they want. Now this is in addition to the wonderful reviewed items we've done here. I couldn't recommend a copy of Gears of War 3 enough for a gamer. But they may already have that, or you can't fork over $60 for a friend in this economy.

So starting today I'm going to throw out three movie ideas for your movie lover. Different genres, and to be fair it's not the sort of thing most people think about right out of the gate. So without further pimping I present to you Papa Mimic's First day of Christmas (shopping).

Everyone has that friend who's into the sort of movies that seems absolutely outrageous. Or maybe you're like me and you like twisted concepts because they're fresh (or somewhat fresh) and they appeal to you. However there are few classic movies with that sort of feel. Every so often someone makes a movie with a concept that cannot be repeated. And in moments like these there is only one true movie that stands out: The Crow.

Sure it's well known for being the movie that killed Bruce Lee's son. Hell, it's also filled with images that make you question if perhaps the director was a closet Emo, but there's no denying this movie was good. It may be strange, it may be violent as hell, but it really expanded the concept of what could happen if you tried to fuck up someone's happy ending. This movie has been one of my favorites since it came out, and now it's out on blueray. So HD undead men with swords and guns who heal instantly? Yes please.

You can pick up a copy of this movie for less than $20, and even at your local Wal-Mart if you don't feel like being a pro and going Amazon or to a more major retailer like Bestbuy. Honestly for a Blue Ray this is a decent price, and considering the movie has endured well through the years on it's own, the face lift only makes it more accessible to your big movie fan who might enjoy a movie made before the Star Wars prequels.

The next movie on the list isn't actually a movie. It's a series. Now most people probably just flinched. A season of a series can go for as much as $80 without breaking a sweat. Entire series have gone as high as several hundred dollars. However you can get a complete series for a sci-fi show many consider to be the most under rated classic in history for a mere $26 if you catch it at the right place at the right time. AKA: Amazon right now. The series I mean? Firefly.

Originally a blend of Science Fiction meets a western, this show bombed in ratings quit simply because Fox is run by idiots. They rushed the show long and killed it by the time they were 10 episodes in. However the DvDs have a 12 episode list, and is a great distraction for anyone who has become a fan of Nathan Fillion from his work on Castle. In fact the show has made so many small nods (and sometimes big ones) to Firefly that it's no hard transition for even that crowd to enjoy this show.

And if they like it they'll probably fork over even more cash themselves to get the movie. However this is a great series that really is worth the time, and I'm sure you'll know someone who'll love it this holiday season. So if you can't afford a season of Castle or you just know a nerd who needs some love: There you go.

My final pick is for comedy fans. I figure we've covered gritty, science fiction with some action and some comedy, but what about the laughs?! Well I got you covered. Most people may not have seen this pick, which is sad. It's popular in that George Clinton the Parliament Funkadelic sorta way, but not in the Beiber sorta way (thank God). If you know someone who's sense of humor is somewhat crude, or if they just love people like Ryan Reynolds, then might I suggest 'Waiting'.

A movie about a day in the life of a crew who works at a restaurant, puts up with their own small life issues, and try to have a good time despite it. So if you know someone who works at even McDonalds, goes to college, or maybe just likes the idea of a cast FILLED with stars (I dunno how they afforded it) then they'll enjoy this one. And you may want to spread this word. Because Reynolds does state the cardinal rule of eating out: Don't fuck with the people who make your food. You have been warned.

That's today's gift ideas, and tomorrow I'll hand you some more. I do take ideas on a type of gift, so if you're stuck and need some advice, I'm here for you. And remember I'll be doing these once a day until Christmas it's self. And on Christmas day... well no more gift ideas (cheap bastards) but I'll throw you a little fun. So this is Mimic wishing you a safe and happy holiday season, and saying good night.

~Mimic

The VGAs were coming, and we here at Grumpy Old Nerds felt like we should be there...and then we realized the cost of travel, lodging, and actually getting in was a little too steep. So instead, we had our own Coolstorm and Numbspoon put on their finest tuxedo t-shirts and watch the event from their homes! So without any further adieu....

Numbspoon: Well, the Spike TV Video Game Awards were held on Saturday the 10th of December, and Coolstorm and I caught the whole thing.

Coolstorm: Unfortunately, usually with each year of the VGAs, only the first 15 minutes are worth watching to catch the really good trailers and then avoid the rest of the abomination, but sadly this year I was like a deer staring into headlights of an oncoming bus.

Numbspoon: There was no turning away, and for me it was a gross reminder that not only do the folks in charge of the event know NOTHING about the people in which the show is meant to be geared towards, they also can’t tell a joke to save their lives.

Coolstorm: Indeed, year after year the show comes off as unrehearsed, being filled with washed up has-beens for actors that have reached their peak of success and are trying so desperately to climb up to any further success they can get their greasy paws on.

Numbspoon: Exactly. So what we are going to do is just go over most of the aspects of the show and examine where they went wrong, what they did right (HA!), and anything in between. The usual review format, really. You ready to do this Coolstorm?

Coolstorm: Ready, Numbspoon. It won’t be pretty, but the worst has already happened to me for the night. I am hoping the nausea will subside.

Numbspoon: Well, I think the best place to start would be with the host. On paper, Zachary Levi ticked all of the things that I would expect from a host of an event such as this. He is a star of a show that has a fairly significant cult following, he himself plays games, and he can be a bit of a smartass. Here’s the problem though….he was pretty damn awful. Though I still would have taken him over Neil Patrick Harris.

Coolstorm: That’s a pretty bold claim. I am unable to say anything about NPH’s performance because let’s face it I watched last year’s VGAs only long enough to see the debut trailer for Mass Effect 3 and then went about my business. However, I am sure NPH was a lot more charismatic in his performance than Zachary Levi. Levi bored me nearly to sleep. This host definitely pulled off being a smart-ass, I won’t deny that. His executions on his jokes were horrible though. You said he plays games, but with his performance, it almost seemed to me like he knew just the basics. Like he had a brief read through of Video Games for Dummies before he stepped on stage.

Numbspoon: I do agree there. It seemed as though, despite what we are lead to believe, he knew damn near nothing. Which leads me to another point…where was the actual gamer presence?

Coolstorm: It’s like this every single year. A bunch of celebrities that claim to be avid gamers and end up trying to toss out masturbation and dick jokes that stereotype the gamer nation. With these awards shows it seems to me to be less about the players and more about the marketing. This is just one big business ploy to try to get gamers to go out there and grab the games that have already been on the market for a few months now.

Numbspoon: We’ll get to the stereotyping bit in a moment, but I want to build off of what you are saying…I do agree, but it seemed to be even worse this year. I mean, look at those dipshits from that TV show Workaholics. Did you notice they said Albert Hitchcock? What the Hell? Was that supposed to be funny?

Coolstorm: Idiots, that is all I can say. I do give credit to one of the jokes on the show though. The “social gamers” sitting together around a table playing on their cell phones not even bothering to be social with each other was pretty good in my opinion. I believe that’s the only credit in entertaining me with humor that I will give them.

Numbspoon: I did have a mild chuckle, but to me, it was quite a dated remark. I would say that we are expecting an awful lot out of the presenters, but when there are people like Ice T and Kobe Bryant out there, you know….people that are bona fide celebrities that actually PLAY games that they could have tapped into….I don’t see much of an excuse here.

Coolstorm: What’s even more inexcusable in my opinion is the fact that they have someone with a huge amount of gaming knowledge in the beautiful Felicia Day, but what did they use her for? A wall clinging game, swinging a katana half an inch from the audience to slice fruit, a cupcake contest, and presenting one award. She was definitely the best actress on the show, but with her knowledge, they really need to have her host the show.

Numbspoon: AHA! Yes!! She would have been more effective as the host of the event rather than Levi. At least she was energetic and enthused about the product.

Coolstorm: It’s a shame that this show cannot be taken as seriously as any of the other shows out there.

Numbspoon: I think they are all equally dull. And the VGAs were, if I’m to be honest, trying to copy the MTV VMA bullshit nonsense that stopped being funny around 10 years ago.

Coolstorm: You do have a point, but I have seen some of the presenters at least show some enthusiasm when they announced a winner. With this show it was like “Your winner is….Uncharted 3…yay…” and the whole thing was done with tons of sarcasm. I was reminded of Ben Stein a LOT tonight.

Numbspoon: Well, I am not entirely convinced that anyone gives a damn about this award. Anyone that is actually worth mentioning, at least. If you are Activision and Blizzard I am sure you would rate the VGAs up there with the damn Oscars.

Coolstorm: Speaking of Activision, Modern Warfare 3 won the award for best shooter, the very shooter we gave a 3 out of 10. There were only two other contenders mind you, but paying attention to the live chat during the show, I noticed that the odds were highly stacked against CoD, with the majority of the chat stating that Battlefield 3 was the more superior of the two.

Numbspoon: Well, our score notwithstanding, I do agree that Battlefield seems to be the more popular, not to mention the fact that Gears of War 3 was also in the mix. Gears, in a lot of people’s minds, are a solid Game of the Year contender, after all.

Coolstorm: No doubt Gears of War 3 is good; though I have trouble classifying it as a shooter when you’re not in first person. In my opinion it should have been categorized in action/adventure, but yes it definitely should have been a contender for game of the year, but the winner of that was a game that we still don’t get why it is so popular. That’s right, claiming the game of the year is Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim.

Numbspoon: The category was shooter, not First Person Shooter, so there is that loophole there. As for Skyrim….I really can’t explain it. You heard the ovation Arkham City got in comparison, or even Uncharted 3. And nothing against the series…I mean I have tried to like the Elderscrolls games…I just cannot for the life of me get into them. Dragon Age: Origins is far superior in my opinion.

Coolstorm: I agree with you there. Sure, there might be better ways of advancing your character in that game than in others and more to explore, but the way the characters interact just seem so dull. I will say this about this year. Not ALL of the awards went out to the undeserving. I was happy to see Uncharted 3 win a few as well as Portal 2 and even Mortal Kombat. What about you, Numbspoon?

Numbspoon: They were kind of no-brainers, though. I mean, did they deserve recognition? Absolutely. Does it matter considering the source? Not. So. Much. Let me put it this way. Them getting it right and recognizing those games for things that they obviously deserved to be recognized for is like rewarding a 40 year old for getting dressed on their own; a feat they have been performing since they were tiny.

Coolstorm: The awards almost seem like a simple pat on the back than anything else. I mean did you see how horrible that trophy looked? Who would be proud to show that off? Oh and what are your thoughts about the Legend of Zelda series winning the first ever hall of fame achievement?

Numbspoon: I just kind of shrugged that off to be honest. I get that Zelda is iconic. But there are other things out there that might have deserved the first spot more. How about Donkey Kong? Mario? Doom? Wolfenstein….I can keep going obviously. Hell, you could even make a case for Frogger. The thing that caught my attention though was Miyamoto trying to figure out what in the blue hell that trophy was. He seemed genuinely terrified of it.

Coolstorm: I would have been ashamed to have been there. If I were Miyamoto san I would have said “I have brought shame to my country for winning an award from this place” and tried to commit Seppuku with the end of the trophy.

Numbspoon: I think that might have made it worse. BUT aside from all of that rampant stupidity and utter shit that the VGAs had this year, there were also some things we liked. Granted, they were all trailers…but still. We liked them.

Coolstorm: Absolutely, and one of the things we liked was without a doubt something we were looking forward to the entire show: new clips for Mass Effect 3.

Numbspoon: It was great, but honestly I want the game to come out. Enough hype…give us the goods!

Coolstorm: Another item that caught our attention is the new game from Naughty Dog, creators of the Uncharted series. The title of their upcoming game is The Last of Us.

Numbspoon: Yeah I am still a little iffy on this one. Don’t get me wrong, I love Naughty Dog and I am glad to see them continue to get bigger and branch out into different titles. I hope they become even more successful than they are now. But I am not a big zombie guy. Never have been. So as great as this looks now, I am still kind of thinking….what else you got?

Coolstorm: Zombies? Genetic mutations? Aliens? Hard to say at this point what that was, but the antagonists in the trailer didn’t appear to be a typical zombie as far as facial features went. I believe though there are fans still wanting that serious zombie game, which Dead Island failed to deliver. If anyone can pull off the next survival horror game, I have high hopes that Naughty Dog will be able to do it. Now, let’s talk about those two game trailers that left us a little confused: the new one from Bioware, and the new Metal Gear game.

Numbspoon: I think it is great that Bioware is trying something new, especially the RTS…that is a genre that could use some life breathed into it. But why Generals? Does this mean they now are working on all future Command and Conquer properties, or is it just this one? It is really hard to say at this point. As for Metal Gear…this one probably is the most head scratching. This was originally going to be called Metal Gear Solid: Rising, and we’d been hearing about it for a few years before all fell silent. So now we learn that it is being picked up by Platinum Games and is going to be redone, complete with a weird as hell name to boot. Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance? The hell you say??

Coolstorm: The theme of the game from the trailer seems a bit redundant doesn it? Revenge with a Vengeance! Is this one of those rough translations that just went somewhere horrible? I'm really concerned for this game as Raiden is the main character again, which last time that happened with Metal Gear Solid 2, I disliked it. Metal Gear should just belong to Solid Snake. The gameplay also concerns me, as it seems to be loaded with gore and focuses more on swordplay than the covert stuff that the Metal Gear series is known for. It almost looked like the game was copying the Wii classic (do they have those?) No More Heroes.

Numbspoon: Hard to say with anything coming out of Japan. Nine times out of ten, the whole thing will wind up confusing the hell out of you. ESPECIALLY if it has a Kojima stamp on it.

Coolstorm: Yes Kojima does tend to have the ability to be artsy to the point of you just mouthing "What the hell?" by the time you either get mid-way or to the end of the playthrough of most of his work. As much as we've talked about some great trailers, there were a few that it definitely seemed like we didn't care about. One game though we appeared to have mixed reactions on, and that was The Amazing Spider-Man, I was impressed by the trailer, it seemed like they are trying to redeem themselves from Spider-Man: Edge of Time, which our own Mimic gave a rather low score to, but still pretty generous compared to other reviewers.

Numbspoon: Well, you are looking at it from a totally different perspective. I see it as not so much a redemption for that game at all. I see it as another game adaptation of a movie, far removed from the story of the Web of Time and Shattered Dimensions games.

Coolstorm: I gotcha. All the same though, I think it looks pretty awesome and hope it delivers. Any closing comments?

Numbspoon: About this awards show? Absolutely not. Matter of fact, I think we have given it far more attention than it deserves. I will say that we are putting together an end of year piece that will talk about a lot of the games that were honored in the VGAs, as well as each of us at Grumpy Old Nerds giving you our list of favorite games from 2011.

Coolstorm: You heard it from the boss man, thank you all for taking the time to read this. We definitely appreciate it. Also, Felicia Day if you are reading this…You know how to contact me, I look forward to seeing your e-mail. Yes? No? Come on we could get married, I’ll take your last name, we can have kids and name them after holidays. Things like Christmas Day, Columbus Day, and Turkey Day. Good, huh?

Numbspoon: …..Absolutely not.

Coolstorm: Eh, was worth a shot.

You can follow Numbspoon and Coolstorm on Twitter @Numbspoon and @cstormscreation respectively.