Grumpy Old Nerds

Remember the good old days? Which is sort of the point of both our site and the name of it, to be honest. But to be specific I'll start with a single game that defined my generation. Street Fighter 2. It had no story, almost no purpose, yet we loved it to death. We loved it not because it was the most hyped game, but for some reason it was just great. We'd beat up on our friends for hours and if you were anything like me there were house rules.

Little guidelines you had to follow when fighting each other. Our largest one was "no beating up in the corner". So if you got someone in the corner you had to at least jump back and then back in before the next barrage. It was just friendly competition. In fact I still play like that to the computer of modern fighters as ingrained as that rule was.

But even in the old days of Street Fighter when everyone was learning those complicated controller manipulations to pull off special moves and super combos, I was trucking along with just knowing how to throw a fireball. I was cool with that. I used angles and regular attacks to beat up on friends. Sure it wasn't the popular way to go, and some would say it's half the game, but I disagree. It was a viable tactic seeing as until the recent rise in fighters hailing the "super-mega-combo" as the end all be all of the game. Which is why I don't play fighting games much anymore. It's less about fun and skill as simply throwing out special moves to win.

However in more modern games sometimes a company will get something so right the first time you fall in love. It speaks to you and you just cannot help but love it for what it is. It inspires fanboy syndrome. Hell, we here have a certain amount of that for The Old Republic if you couldn't tell. But what about when the things you loved are missing, even though the rest is still there? Or worse yet: If the thing you loved the most is there, but they replace the rest. That's today's topic.

Much like the difference in the original Star Wars trilogy and the prequels, sometimes things change so much that only the very core is still there. And sometimes it's just not enough. We go from truly moving epics about Luke Skywalker and Han Solo to a large alien CGI named Jar Jar Binks who's only purpose was to force comedic situations in absence of something more creative.

But take heart, I wont be smashing Dragon Age 2 today. As much as it deserves it, the fact it showed up on Yahoo's top 10 overhyped games is statement enough for me. For now. Instead I look towards something more recent, but not less depressing. Especially when you consider that a lot of people I talk to keep playing this franchise, but lamenting some of it's horrible game play just to get to the engrossing story. Even our own Numbspoon has said as much to me. And he is the first one to rage all over something for the slightest trespass.

In 2007 Ubisoft released a game now well known, but at the time seemed like a stretch from the usual fair of gamers. Assassin's Creed. At the time it was the end of the fighting game, the start of the shooter, and hack and slash was pretty much dead. In fact the stealth and patience experience was so lost on the gaming populace so long ago, it seemed like a distant memory best forgotten.

Yet Ubisoft gave us a game based around a fallen Assassin trying to do good, and to earn his way back into his order. An order dedicated to preserving life as much as they were trained to take lives. Fighting a religious organization that even today claims to work only for the betterment of humanity, even if some of their most prominent members need to remember that compassion isn't something reserved for the few. And through this game you see the good and the bad of zealots on both sides. Not to mention a wonderfully crafted story that had me enthralled from the first few moments.

That is how a game should be.

However in the years since Ubisoft has churned out new episodes to the franchise regularly. Almost yearly I think. Pumping us full of Ezio Auditore da Firenze, another descendant of Desmond Miles (our real hero) who we play to teach Desmond how to learn his skills as an Assassin. This was great to me... at first. It was a wonderful way to change the all-powerful feel of how you were at the end of the first and continue the story on both sides of the Animus.

The game's story was no less epic, but it didn't have the sense of urgency that the first had. And it left me wanting by the time I was just over half way through. I didn't feel like there was a pressing need to keep going over the course of years, and there was no over-arching plot after I'd gotten my revenge on most of the men who'd had my family killed. In fact the very reason I cared so little was because it seemed like Ezio took a few years of vacation between kills. There was no momentum like the first one. And towards the end I lost interest. Even the great story didn't pull me forward like it should have.

When Brotherhood was announced, however I was happy. They fumbled a little, but I'd read the book for Assassin's Creed 2 and I could run along on the next adventure of Desmond Miles with glee. Then we saw that it would be Ezio... again. Now I didn't hate him in the second one. Despite how lax he seemed to be, and how completely inept he seemed to be about keeping to a time table, I didn't really hate him. And I hate to throw racial slurs, but that spaghetti eating bastard needed to keep out of the next game and give me someone with more spine. Or Altair. Same difference, really.

In fact I realized I hated Ezio's character so much I couldn't even bother opening the copy of Brotherhood I had on my shelf for months. Eventually I sold it without so much as opening it. So someone got a 'second hand' copy of an unopened game. And I honestly hoped they liked it. I read the book and read up on it on wiki because the only reason I even cared in the first place, I discovered, was the story. And even then the story seemed weak to me. Maybe gameplay changed it, but I was not impressed with either format.

This year we get Revelations. And while I've been heavily against giving Ubisoft more money for milking me so far, I bought a copy. Now I will say I'm maybe an hour or so into the game, so that that as your grain of salt. However... this game is just bad. All the elements of the first game (one that continues to sit on my top 10 of best games ever) that I enjoyed are just not there. Rehashed ideas, badly scripted action sequences merged with gameplay, and meager plot pushes so predictable that I could have made money betting on it if I'd cared, just don't fill the hole made from their previous work.

Things are either far too simple or horribly complicated. There aren't any middle grounds to find. Even the carriage chase scene within ten minutes of starting the game is tedious and caused me to lose synch at least five times before I lucked out and reached the checkpoint by the skin of my teeth. I honestly think Ubisoft expects you to play this RIGHT after the last so you don't need to relearn the controls. But since I not only haven't played in the better part of a year, but also go it for a different system: I did need some tutorial.

Now it's there, they tell you, but they don't give you a gentle grade. They skip the gentle reward level made to hook you with the feel of being a heroic protagonist in preference for making you learn super combos before your system has warmed up. The story, I'm sure, is still top notch. In fact I'm DYING to know what happens, but within the first twenty minutes of the game I was so angry at it I wanted to punch someone in the face as hard as I could.

So will I play through the game to see the next chapter of what is surely (I have no doubt) a great story told with third-rate gameplay designed for the non-casual gamer? Probably not. There's no hook here. And while the story should be the hook that keeps me coming back, it's easily the most frustrating part of the game when you hate playing it just to get to story moments. It makes as much sense as punishing someone for reading a book and expecting them to keep their library card.

Ubisoft has taken a game that rates up there in terms of how great it is, and ripped it's sequels so horribly that I now honestly see the franchise as the proverbial Jar Jar Binks of video games. I don't know if I can stomach another round of it, and maybe I should just trade it in. But with all the games that could have been great this year it seems so few actually make the grade where it counts. I'm starting to think I'm too old to enjoy modern games. I don't want to master a controller to play, I want to just play for fun.

So is Ezio the cause? Mostly. He's not an interesting character. How much would we all love Han Solo if Lucas had cast Tom Selleck instead of Harrison Ford? The story wouldn't have changed, but there's no feeling of connection with the character. Which is huge in games that rely on story as much as these do. Now I eagerly await the game where you're just Desmond the whole time. One where you're not forced to play Mario and Luigi's bastard uncle. But until then I may just get the book and read up on wiki to keep up with the story until the game is released.

And to Ubisoft, "Mesa thinkin' you's all ca-wazy if'n yousa wantin' to keepa dis fwanchise alive!"

Thank you, and may the Force be with you.

~Mimic